nothing about Grief is brief .....
At the time of trauma and grief, it may feel like losing control of your
life.
It may feel that well meaning people, family and friends
invade your home.
It can be a blessing and it be a curse.
You
need their support both physically and emotionally but
it can be a conflicting time that seems to just overwhelm you at times more often than not.
* People
arrive with food and this is a good thing because you are not capable of even thinking about
preparing or cooking or even eating food.
* However,
this food can also be an abrupt change to your usual diet and lead to digestion problems
which can add to everything else happening to you at
this time.
The immediate sensations of grief can
feel;
* like your chest is being squeezed in a vice and it is difficult to
breath.
* It is very common for people to shallow breath or hold their
breath for intermittent period of time
which disrupting the natural
rhythm of your body and can be the cause of muscle tension pain,
headache & other negative system changes grief brings us. Grief affects 100% of our being.
* It may feel like your heart is being crushed or ripped out of your chest, literally.
* Your arms may physically ache for your loved one. No more embraces to come.
* You
may feel like you are 'outside' your own body. Shock is truly a
wonderful protection
mechanism.
* Use this state of being to observe
your physical body and take note of what is happening, how
your
breathing is, how your attitude is emotionally and mentally.
* Although
grief is an absolute experience on every level of your being, the one
thing you do have
control of is your attitude to all that is happening.
* As
difficult as it is, if you choose to have optimism, if you choose to
believe 'this too will pass'
you are helping yourself to come through
this intense emotional time in the best shape possible.
This is called a Good Grief choice.
* Grief is very exhausting.
Caroline Myss (author & renowned speaker of consciousness and mysticism says;
“Without stamina, the soul cannot change directions or engage in healing or
grab hold of opportunities that change your life."
* Delegate
anything and everything that someone else can do for you reducing what your energy
is spent on.
* Never before have you been impacted upon every level of your being as you are with grief.
It is physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually challenging.
Like the strict advice given in airline safety talk, put your own oxygen mask on first THEN help the children and others who need your care.
Taking care of yourself allows you to then care for those other family members you may be responsible for. Share your grief with them.
The exhaustion can be overwhelming.
It can feel like the worst concussion to your brain.
The inability to think, to concentrate, to make decisions, feeling confused, fluctuating from intense happy memories to intense horrific memories or thoughts is like being a cork in a raging ocean.
But even a raging tempest ocean becomes calm eventually. Focus on becoming calm.
You may not know where you are (metaphorically) or what you need (realistically) on any given day.
The need for sleep is often desperate and mostly unattainable. It seems we process our grief more in the wee small hours of the night, when there are no other distractions we can use to avoid this extremely difficult processing, like we can do throughout most of the day.
Nothing else is important. Nothing else is important. Nothing else is important.....
It may well feel like you are walking a tightrope and can fall off anytime but just keep focused and believe you too can survive this and reach safe ground again.
Like the tightrope walker you take little balanced steps through the entire journey ahead and keep your eye on where you are going.
Hope can be found. Don't give up !
Hold on to Hope and remember 'this too will pass'. Remember to breath ..... deeply.
Good Grief Support can help you through this mire of unremitting and overwhelming grief.
It can be a time when it seems it would be easier to just let go, end our life and join our loved one. Hold on. Hold on tight. Hold on very very tight.
The effort is so great. But this too will pass. Have hope. Have hope. Be hope.
One wolf is full of hatred, blame, greed, bitterness, sorrow, sadness, guile, anger and uses that energy to control and manipulate.
The wolf who wins is the wolf you feed.... as what you feed, is who you become
In many cases a person's financial situation may mean they have to return to work quickly but it is not a sign they are coping or healthy on any level.
It just means they need the money.
Time. Time is what we need.
An employee who is struggling with grief will not be helped by pressure from their employer or other staff telling them 'you should be over this'.
In our busy fast paced lives today people are expected to get through the funeral and return back to work !!!
Be 'over' it. It is an 'unreal' expectation and very hurtful.
But time stands still in one sense and also races away in another. Everything is now measured 'before and after'.
It is not uncommon to have very elderly people facing their own mortality to then also find they are dealing with many unresolved griefs throughout their life.
It is believed healthier, to be consciously present and work through grief at the time it is experienced otherwise it can have serious affects upon our health for our entire lives. Grieve when you are grieving in a pro-active way.
Grief can have an effect upon your entire being that is unimaginable until you experience it.
in NZ will have a screaming
room. Absolutely.
Grief in the initial stages especially with sudden unexpected death such as murder or suicide, can be so intense, consuming you inside, literally flooding your psyche with torrents of pain reducing you to an inconsolable wreck who can not stop crying.
Grief is so physically exhausting.
Screaming under strict guidelines can be quite beneficial to one's sanity. Especially when grieving.
You can feel totally exposed, raw.
Routine activities become insurmountable, major challenges, and can create panic or anxiety attacks in a person who in normal circumstance doesn't think twice about going shopping, or out to a social occasion with groups of friends.
They give you genuine hugs knowing how hard it is for you to be brave all the time. They know you are scattered and shattered and feeling like you are disconnected from reality, unable to make the simplest of decisions and they expect nothing of you. They expect nothing of you ....but they are there for you.
They are the rare gems indeed.
People grieving often hold their breath and are generally breathing very shallow.
Lung issues are common, influenza, pneumonia are common as the lungs are considered the ‘seat of grief’ metaphysically.
Your immune system is very compromised when grieving and your chakra centres are fluctuating with your shifting emotions.
As told by Paul Bedson; "The scientific description of breathing reduces it to a gaseous exchange of CO2 for O2 however ancient wisdom tells us that breath (qi or prana) is much more holistic, mysterious and profound. Breath is our intimate and sustaining connection with the planet. Breath is the breath of life ! Breath invigorates, cleanses and releases.
From its Latin roots, the word respiration means 'the spirit returns' and inspiration means 'the spirit enters' and expiration means 'the spirit leaves'. The ancient terms qi (Asis) and prana (India) refer to breath + spirit + energy all connectetd in one holistic concept. Scientific reductionism can oversimplify and often, completely miss the point."
Just breath deeply. Deeply in imagine it is love from the one you have lost. Deeply out imagine it is your love back to them. Stay connected. Breath.
Remember to breath deeply for two minutes every hour. Set your alarm if you have to. I believe it is helpful to visualise each deep 'in breath' is your loved one sending you love and each deep 'out breath' as you sending love to them. It helps on all levels. Our breath truly is the connector of our ongoing love.
Our tears are our love expressed in liquid form.
Never apologise to anyone for tears of love.
Release your tears. Express your love.
A grieving person can not predict the myriad of triggers that can bring forth tears of love.
It can be seeing something, hearing something, a song, a voice, a connection of some sort, a flower, a smell, a memory, a thought...is all it takes.
Be kind to yourself and allow your liquid love free expression anytime you need to.
It may be that you woke feeling very fragile. And it is all OK. It is all OK. It. Is. OK.
Always start your day by imagining a white light surrounding you to give you boundaries and protection.
Anam Cara Care Centre is another option offering Good Grief Support .... listening.
Other people usually want you to be 'over it and moving on' what ever that means.... it is unhelpful.
In the telling of the story the grieving person is processing what has happened, coming to terms with it, getting it 'out of their body and out of their mind' and it is heart and soul healing work taking place.
Reverie Harp sounds can help with this story telling and processing and majik can happen with healing of heart and soul in a very gentle yet powerful way.
Good Grief care involves body work, massage is very beneficial when grieving.
It can lift your spirits as well as release lactic acid build up in tight tense muscles and bring some energy yet a relaxed feeling as well and this brings hope that life will get better, a little step at a time.
Massage helps to integrate emotional thoughts and feelings on a cellular level physically.
Asking the name of their loved one and acknowledging their life, often helps just by the spoken recognition that this person does exist, not physically in our realm anymore but in memory, in heart and soul, absolutely, yes.
You do not have to 'fix' anything because you simply can't. Unfortunately the worst has happened and now those left in this world must find a 'new way to live' without their loved one physically present.
It takes time. We never 'go back' to normal. How can we ? What is normal anyway ?
It may be very difficult to do initially but even a walk or just sitting in the sunshine is a good start.
You may need to push yourself into doing something you would ordinarily have enjoyed, like listening to an uplifting piece of music and it may also be cathartic but that's OK.
Using the beautiful sounds of Reverie Harp is integral to Anam Cara Care - Good Grief Support.
Harp music is as close to pure sound as is possible, resonating directly with our Heart & Soul allowing a higher level of healing to happen.
May you find your way to such good care generated from the loving heart, anywhere in the world. Namaste