'every parents worst nightmare' continued ...
Realising in a split moment of time that everything else had been preparation for this grief experience - joining the club no parent ever wants to belong - was the most profound heart and soul shattering moment of her life.
The journey of the dark night of her soul began. Gwynna had never felt a day of depression before this. She understands depression well now through this journey.
All Gwynna wanted to do then was ... stop the world and get off ... to do what ever was necessary for her heart and soul to reconcile the death of her son.
Psychologists who specialise in grief therapy have determined that suicide grief takes at least 3 to 4 times longer to process and work through than 'normal' grief.
On average 10 to 12 years or even longer.
Gwynna personally agrees it is a very long time. However, she is also aware many people never recover from their suicide grief such is their inner psych / soul devastation being bereaved by suicide.
Gwynna considers herself fortunate her prior grief experience of life and understanding of holistic natural therapy stood her in good stead to be able to choose a 'good grief path' but at times Gwynna had to forcefully seek it out and speak it out.
Even so, it was 11 years before the feeling of having 'moved through and come out the other side' was evident to her.
Gwynna knows there will always be a part of her that grieves her son's final choice.
How can there not be in a mothers heart ?
Gwynna believes part of Good
Grief is to never deny those moments; epiphanies in time that happen
when you least expect; that render you back to that all consuming
emotional pain as if it just happened.
Life forever more has a 'before and after' timeline to
it. Learning to create 'new normals' which is actually not possible; to rebuild your life without your
loved one physically in it, remembering their life is not defined
by their final choice, brings personal growth and a good grief experience.
The cliche "time heals" is one of the many platitudes a grieving person does not wish to hear.
More accurately, the ongoing nature of grieving is described well by Sir Bob Geldof who in 2002 described it as thus;
"time only accommodates. The pain
is always there, but parked in a part of your brain so you're no longer
full of misery every moment".
With Anam Cara Good Centre - Reverie Harp Heart & Soul - Good Grief Support the pain can be integrated and released to allow living life again, whole-heartedly.
Gwynna's main passion, her focus, is to offer Anam Cara Care Centre- Reverie Harp Heart & Soul - Good Grief Support in each province of New Zealand by local therapists, musicians and people who connect to the 3rd stage of the Master Plan for those bereaved by suicide.
This a direct result as to the lack of effective assistance with no counseling being available free of charge to people bereaved by suicide like there is for people bereaved by homicide. This is very telling as to the stigma that still exists around death by suicide and mental unwellness. We have an appalling situation with mental health patients dying by suicide while officially in the legal care of Mental Health Services Facilities.
There is no ongoing useful, empowering Good Grief Care support available at all for those grieving suicide loss. Untill now. Reverie Harp Heart & Soul healing is here and you are invited to become involved.